Letters from a Lost Girl #1
Luzern, Friday April 19th 1960
I heard you read my adventures with Peter. I am glad you found them interesting. It wasn’t always easy, but with time I rose to the challenge, gathering a small group of girls at my side. Now we are free of the convent and have a place of our own thanks to Lydia and Klaus. All the Lost Girls are once again together and life is really great. Shortly after our report on the nuns and their abuse was published, the police stopped hounding us, the journalists too. Although I gather there is to be a trial and some of us will have to give evidence. I am not looking forward to being confronted with the nuns. There’s always a fear it will start all over again.
I gather you were also in a home for orphans and children who had been mistreated. I imagine you must have many unpleasant memories, so I trust our story didn’t bring all those nightmares rushing back. I heard your family were terrible to you. I was luckier. Having lost my mother at birth, life with my father as an only child could have been difficult. But he was always courteous and encouraging. He taught me all I know about healing. He was proud of me and had great plans for my future, despite the fact that girls in my world rarely reached the highest posts. He could have kept me locked away from the world as his only child, a girl at that. But he didn’t. He encouraged me to speak with the many magicians who visited our house. I will always remember our evening meals and the lively debates we had at table. I learnt so much. He’s dead now, as you know. I think that loss would have hit me very hard, had I not been so caught up in my own problems, what with loosing my body – thank heavens Peter shared his body with me – and then being posted off to that dreadful convent school in a crippled body. I had little time to mope over his demise. Even so, his support has stood me in good stead and helped me enormously when I could have been riddled with doubts about myself and my value. Many of the other girls in the convent school were not so fortunate. Even now they are still unsure of themselves.
Thanks for sending me that picture of a girl. Am I right in thinking that she was pleasuring herself? It had me a little embarrassed, as if I shouldn’t be looking at such an intimate moment. You said it aroused you. I was not sure if you were attracted by the girl or imagined yourself in her place. I’ve not had much of that kind of experience with girls, even though I am surrounded by them day and night. Fi was the closest I have come to a girl who actively liked other girls. Not that she went about proclaiming her preferences. She was cautious. Not like that Bonny girl, Peter told me about. Here society has no tolerance for such behaviour. Well, maybe Tania fancied me in a naive sort of way, she liked to cuddle up close in bed, but I reckon it was more out of a longing for companionship than anything else. Most of the girls felt so terribly alone in the convent; Tania maybe more than any of them. She was a born rebel and was constantly punished for it. I can understand a girl feeling attracted by another girl. In the world I came from no one would have frowned at that. But I’ve never felt drawn to girls by anything other than friendship.
You’ll be wanting to know how Peter is getting on, I imagine. He’s fine. We are going shopping for dresses together this afternoon. Claudia, our expert on clothes is coming too. If Fi had still been with us, she would have teased him. He’s always so shy about trying on girl’s clothes in the big department stores in town. Peter’s Swiss German is improving rapidly. He has quite an ear for languages. Yesterday, he began singing lessons with Viktor again and we’ve asked Dr. Tchensenko if he can work from time to time with the Lost Girls choir. He seemed delighted at the idea. He’s an odd man. So intense. I don’t always like the way he looks at me. It’s more than just yearning; it’s almost hungry. It can’t be easy for him seeing someone who is the spitting image of the girl he loved and lost all those years ago.
Well, enough for now. Peter says it’s time to go. Do write. I look forward to hearing from you.
The other letters: #2
More about the Boy & Girl Saga
Boy & Girl – Twelve-year-old Peter secretly dresses as a girl. Imagine his delight when he finds himself in the head of a girl. Yet, despite his wild hopes, that girl is not him. She’s Kaitling, the daughter of a mage in a beleaguered world. Peter has his own problems when a vicious new girl at school threatens to reveal his girly ways. Becoming friends, Kaitlin and Peter join forces to do battle with those who oppose them.
In Search of Lost Girls – Dressed as a girl, Peter sets out in search of his soul-mate Kate who has been ripped from his arms and kidnapped. In his quest, he is hounded by fanatics bent on eliminating those who mess with gender. Meanwhile, Kate has been dumped in a nightmarish girls’ orphanage where she emerges as a decisive figure in the rescue of her fellow orphans. Will the two ever be together again?
We Girls – Retain his androgynous ambiguity or say goodbye to his girlish self, such is the existential choice that besets Peter. Circumstances, however, force both him and Kate to take up other challenges. By straddling the line between child and adult, between carefree creativity and weighty responsibility, between play and work, they find imaginative ways to confront far-reaching problems on which adults persistently turn a blind eye.
Colourful People – What happens when a boy who dresses as a girl, but has no wish to transition, is confronted with a boisterous crowd of transgender youth in a desperate search for a safe haven? The fierce will to be themselves despite the determined opposition of society is common to both the Lost Girls and the Colourful People. Not surprising then that they join forces and advance together. (Currently being written)